


Slow My Mind

by AmbroseRivers



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Established Relationship, Inspired by Trying To Live My Truth, M/M, Nonsexual suckling, Oral Fixation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 23:25:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13868205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbroseRivers/pseuds/AmbroseRivers
Summary: It's always been there. It isn't a sexual thing, really...Dan just liked to have something in his mouth.





	Slow My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, man, oh man. This is another comfort zone stretch for me but this was a sort of, kind of prompt that popped on the PhanfictionCatalouge and well, I rolled with it. I'm not sure if it fit all the points she wanted but I tried. XD  
> This was inspired by that and Dan's newest video. The only WARNING I can think of (besides the sexual themes) is mentions of bullying. Other than that heed the tags and I hope you enjoy!

He made the joke without thinking:  _Side note, google Oral Fixation later._

He had even pulled out his phone and pressed some random buttons but Dan’s heart was fluttering against the underside of his ribs as he fired off the rest of the punchline with only minimal hesitation, an aborted breath.

His heart refused to settle, though. It continued to throw itself crazily against his bones.

_Oh my god. What the fuck am I doing?_

-

Dan had a thing with his mouth.

It was just a fact- a quirky and unusual trait that just added to the awkward and uncertain mess that was Dan Howell. 

However, it wasn’t a _sexual_ thing.

When he was much younger, it didn’t draw much attention in the way it did in his later years.

He would nibble on the erasers of his pencils, flipping the utensil up and down without a thought as his teacher droned on about how numbers fit into certain equations or the difference between sedimentary and metamorphic rocks or whatever inane general knowledge they had to learn that term.

His brain would tune out after a while and wander, skipping through random thoughts and inquiries like a ballet dancer pirouetting on the tip of their pointe shoes- and he would twist the pencil in his mouth using only his tongue and the resistance of his jaw.

_I wonder what Mum is making for dinner today…_

Up, down, left...

_I hope we don’t have too much homework. I want to play a game when I get home!_

Down, right, left...

_I wonder if—_

“Daniel!” His teacher’s peeved and stern tone ripped him from his thoughts and he jolted, startled back to reality.

Dan reached up to remove the utensil from his mouth with a quiet, “Yes?”

He tapped the pencil against his sleeve, smearing his saliva on the fabric discreetly.

“How nice of you to join us,” Mr. Jameson drawled, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he pinned Dan with an unimpressed frown and furrowed brows. “Can you tell me the difference between a metamorphic rock and an igneous one?”

Dan slid the clip of his pencil between his teeth as his ears burned. 

He shook his head slowly.

“Please pay more attention, Daniel. This might be on your exams.” Mr. Jameson sighed, turning back to the board as Dan slid a bit lower in his seat with a mumbled, “Yes, sir.”

His little habit of chewing on his pens and pencils was put to an abrupt end when his Mum finished the parent-teacher conference that week and Dan went from being the distracted, daydreaming boy in his class to a troublesome, nervous chatterer.

-

He tore off the hanging sliver of skin from the side of his nail with his teeth before he immediately stuffed it into his mouth.

The metallic tang of copper skittered across his taste buds and Dan wrinkled his nose, letting his saliva pool around the trapped digit. 

He waited until he could barely register the unpleasant taste before he swallowed.

…It was a good enough excuse if anyone asked why he was sucking on his finger, he figured.

He stared at the exam laid on his desk dejectedly.

_I have a cut and it stings, duh. That’s why I have my finger in my mouth. It’s a natural reaction- something about what’s in our saliva..._

His tongue curled around the swirls of his fingerprint and his cheeks caved in almost unnoticeably as his eyes started to skim the questions. He forced himself to read the whole first page before he picked up his pen with trembling, tentative fingers. 

Dan pressed harder on the flat of his tongue, focusing on the solid, comforting weight and how his breath drifted over his skin in a choppy but regular pattern. The ocean roaring in his ears quieted, thankfully, and the nub of Dan’s pen had barely indented the paper when-

“I bet you’d blow someone real good, you slag.” A familiar someone snickered behind him with a dangerous and barbed lilt.

Dan’s muscles tightened.

_You can fuck right off, you asshole._

It wasn’t the first time he had been equated to a girl (and it certainty wasn’t his last). 

His mind churned with the words he wished he could throw at the irritating (and stupid) prick sitting behind him...who kept tapping his foot on the leg of Dan’s chair distractingly.

_You don’t want a failed mark on this exam. He’s not worth it. Just..._

Dan exhaled harshly as the pressure on his tongue disappeared. He wiped his pointer finger off on his slacks before he brushed his hand across his shoulder, middle finger on prominent display.

He closed his eyes afterwards, trying to blocking out everything for a moment and center himself.

-

Phil was the most  _amazing_ person, Dan had decided.

He had always been a little bit ( _okay, maybe a little more than **a little**  bit)_ in love with the silly, flirtatious boy but he had been not prepared for the jittery, giggly man that playfully nipped his shoulder.

Phil pulled away with flushed cheeks and a blinding smile as they sat crowded together on the Manchester Eye.

“Is that okay?” Phil murmured, mucking up his fringe as he tore his gaze away from Dan to take in the bright hues painting the Manchester skyline. “I forgot to ask—”

“I would have told you if it wasn’t,” Dan laughed, unrestrained and giddy.  His loud snorts were magnified in the cramped space they were sharing and Dan shoved himself into Phil’s side, knocking the other off kilter. “You absolute doorknob.”

“Hey!” Phil yelped as his fingers formed makeshift claws. He swiped at Dan with comically bared teeth. “I’ll maul you!”

“I’ll eat you first,” Dan retorted without a beat. 

He grabbed Phil’s hand to sink the points of his teeth into his flesh with only the barest hint of force. His shoulders dropped with the heaviness weighing down his mandible and his mind went hazy, filled with bubbles of joy and an indistinct cloud of contentment and-

Phil’s breath stuttered and Dan watched as his pupils moved across the mesmerizing expanse of his irises, pulled from his mindspace by the beautiful person in front of him.

His stomach tightened and flipped as he released Phil’s finger quickly so his palm could curve along the nape of Phil’s neck, tongue darting out across his bottom lip with a quick swipe.

And...and...

Dan was terrified- trembling and restless with the adrenaline flooding his veins- but he pressed his forehead against Phil’s with a high-pitched, breathless laugh.

“I’m just going to—”

He closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Phil’s.

-

He learned later that night that while it wasn’t a  _thing…_ He loved the way Phil’s cock filled his mouth. 

The way Phil’s erection pulsed as Dan sucked on it unhurriedly and the way it crowded against his tongue and cheeks, hot and sturdy and comforting.

Dan was lost in the muddled and tranquil fog of his consciousness that first time so when Phil tugged on his hair in warning, it didn’t register.

So...he wasn’t prepared when Phil’s slimy, slight salty cum spilled into his mouth and made its way way down his throat. 

Dan spluttered in surprise, coughing, and Phil stroked his hair softly as he spat what he hadn’t swallowed into his hand.

“I’m sorry,” Phil apologized, helping Dan to his feet. “I tried to warn you.”

“I—” Dan tried before he cleared his throat, voice raw and gritty. “You did, but I guess I got a little bit lost in what I was doing...”

The corner of Phil’s lips quirked upwards as he kissed Dan, lapping at his lips playfully, and Dan’s own parted for Phil willingly.

He hummed in sleepy satisfaction as he sucked on Phil’s tongue.

-

They don’t mention how he slides his thumb past his teeth because it’s a habit he picked up when he would curl up in a bed that seemed to stretch on endlessly.

He would shiver without the cozy warmth he had grown accustomed to when Phil would sleep next to him, plastered against his side and it wasn’t much but sucking his thumb helped the chaotic and relentless torrent of thoughts slow enough for him to get some rest.

During that time, Phil had laid in “his” room with “his” too colorful sheets, aching to bridge the gap between them. 

Phil’s eyes throbbed in time with his pulse and he knew that he should be sleeping but...

Phil had been at a lost on how to begin the long process of healing the cracks in their relationship they brought upon themselves with their own fear and insecurities that manifested as misplaced anger and jeers aimed to shred their already bruised and mangled hearts.

(They don’t mention it- but they survived the time period that particular action is associated with in both of their minds.)

Now, it’s a gesture that’s reserved for when Phil is away, or when Dan is sprawled on their carpet with his thoughts whipping around him in a cyclone, wrenching away the calm he has wrestled for himself over the years away.

Phil usually lays beside him, silent and patient, as he manipulates his thumb with sharp jabs of tongue and teeth.

“I’m here, love.” He whispers when Dan whimpers, vocalizing the agony he can’t put into words. “I’m here. Come back, Danny. You are stronger than you think and I know you can get through this.”

It’s when the tears start to stream down Dan’s cheeks that Phil breaks, shuffling closer until he can hook their ankles together without a word.

He run his fingers through Dan’s messy curls until there is an opportunity for him to replace Dan’s thumb with his own.

It never fails to lull Dan into a peaceful dreamless sleep.

(It also doesn’t take Phil very long to follow Dan’s lead with Dan’s legs immobilizing his own and the gentle rumbles of Dan’s snores travelling through him soothingly.

The little impromptu naps help them both.)

-

“Do you need help filming?” Phil questioned him as he glanced up from his monitor, sliding the black headphones off his ears so he could place them on their desk. “I thought you wanted to make this video ten minutes?” He spun around to face Dan with that bemused, lopsided half-grin that never failed to take him off-guard. “Or was there a change in plans?”

“N-no,” Dan replied though the sudden tightness of his throat. “I don’t need help and there might be a change in plans...I don’t know,” He pursed his lips, hissing at the sting from his raw and bitten-red flesh. 

His already jumpy fingers twitched even more as his chest heaved. “I just…I…”

Dan trailed off as he paced closer to his husband, quivering.

Phil straightened his spine in concern. He pushed himself up so he could sit properly in Dan’s unbroken office chair, opening his arms.

“You need to breathe, sweetheart.”

Dan sank to his knees, situating himself between Phil's invitingly spread thighs, as he fell into his broad chest, clinging to him. Phil tangled his fingers in Dan’s hair instinctively, grazing the pads of his fingers against his scalp in calming  _tap-tap-tap’s_  that loosened the walls of Dan’s paralyzed lungs and allowed him to draw in a proper breath.

Dan wiggled, jostling the arms around him, until his head rested against the scratchy denim of Phil’s black skinny jeans. 

He wedged himself even closer to Phil, soaking in his presence and the unspoken acceptance radiating in a tangible aura, as he inhaled sharply. He dug his chin into Phil’s abdomen as he rubbed his cheek against him absently.

“Are you alright, love?” Phil prodded lightly, skimming Dan’s jaw with his knuckles lovingly. “Something seems to have gotten under your skin, Danny.”

“This is a big thing,” Dan muttered as Phil continued to stroke and pet him, burying his face in the bright fabric tickling the arc of his cheekbone. “—and I know some of them will pick up on it but what if—what if...” All the air he had managed to claim rushed out of him in a hot gust and he sat back on his heels, fumbling with the tarnished buckle on Phil’s belt. “Can I just—”

“Do you want me to move to the sofa?”

“Not particularly,” Dan huffed as he lifted the band of Phil’s boxers, tugging impatiently. “Do you still have editing to do?”

“I do,” Phil confirmed, even as he lifted his hips, acquiescing to Dan’s silent demand.  “It can wait though.” 

He balanced precariously on the movable chair with his elbows, wobbling dangerously. 

Dan yanked the (frankly) obnoxious boxers past Phil’s groin without any injury ( _thank fuck_ ) and Phil settled back on his rear, massaging the nape of Dan’s neck.

Dan nosed at the coarse curls at the base of Phil’s soft cock before he wrapped his lips around it with a relieved sigh. 

He suckled Phil, tongue brushing along the ridge of the head in a steady rhythm, while Phil toyed his hair, combing the strands in the natural direction of his curls before he brushed them in the opposite direction and back and forth, back and forth...

“You should have let me move, Dan.” Phil scolded lightly as he swelled from Dan’s ministrations. He didn’t move from his lounging position. 

He merely relaxed, sinking deeper into his seat, as the gentle caress of Dan’s soft hair and lazy tongue dominated his senses. “You are going to be sore because you are twisted up like a pretzel.”

Dan shook his head slightly in response. His dark lashes fluttered against his skin as he swayed, leaning the entirety of his body weight onto Phil’s right leg.

Phil grunted as he planted his heel firmly, struggling to steady Dan who continued to knead him with his tongue and lips. 

It didn’t take long for Dan’s forehead to press against him insistently as his eyelids grew heavy and Phil bumped him pointedly with his knee.

Dan peered at him with groggy and confused but affectionate cinnamon eyes and Phil couldn’t help the way his lips stretched into a dopey smile at the vulnerable and adorable state of his partner.

“If you are going to use me as your dummy, we are moving to the couch…” Phil shushed Dan’s petulant whine with an amused brush of his lips against the little frustrated crease between his love’s eyebrows. “None of that. You’ll thank me later...”

-

Phil knows it isn’t a  _thing_ – it’s just another piece that makes up the human puzzle that is Dan Howell and he is elated that Dan trusts him enough to let himself just  _be_  when they are together. 

For a little bit, that hadn’t been the case but Phil learned that Dan had been fighting with himself- trying to fit a mold that he would have never been happy filling. 

It hadn’t been easy to abandon that way of thinking but Dan was working to find the image that would bring him some peace with himself. He hadn’t found it yet, Phil knew, but Dan had been adamant about wanting to share himself as authentically as he could with the millions of eyes on them while he figured it out.  

Phil’s just thankful that he is privileged enough to have come to know Dan as well as he does... and warmth spreads from his chest to the tips of his fingers and curled toes.

Dan is using him as a pillow, knees pulled loosely against his body as his legs hang off the edge of their sofa bed. His mouth is around Phil again- heated and wet.

“I love you,” He can’t help but whisper to Dan, raking the curve of his nails along the top of his head with feather light touches. “I love you so, so much. The video will do great- I love it already and I haven’t even seen it...you have nothing to worry about.”

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted to my Tumblr: loveinthebones.  
> If you want to go to the prompt I linked it there! This also wasn't meant to be quite as long, whoops.


End file.
